Blindsided

Last Sunday at our latest meeting of Jacob's Well, we were all sharing and discussing some of the arrows that Satan had been firing at our lives, trying to hurt us of course. During those discussions, I was trying to think about some things that had been happening to me, but I couldn't think of anything. It made me feel strong... or lucky... or somehow privileged to be somehow spared from the efforts of the enemy to thwart our current plans.

I shouldn't kept my big mouth [er, mind] shut... he struck back with a vengence, especially after Monday.

There were two occasions in the last five days where Jesse and I's relationship almost ended. Last night during the cryfest was when I realized what was really happening here; I let my guard down and the enemy walked right in. He told me that I wasn't happy with Jesse, that nothing would make me happy enough, and that made me difficult and probably unbearable. He has been hitting me where it hurts, just like I was so proud of not feeling last week. I imagine he probably really angry that I could feel God's communication to me, so why not try to mess up my relationship? Alas, after Jesse and I parted, I got in my car and turned on 104.9 and sang along with some songs, making me feel so much better.

It's been so exciting and uplifting to see more and more develop in Jacob's Well, but I was very much blindsided by the enemy. Now, I know what it is, and whenever I feel those thoughts coming back, I'm gonna know what to do. All I have to do is say God's name and it's gone. It's a lesson well learned, and now I'll be ready next time it happens.

I could feel myself being weak and the enemy sneaking in yesterday. I had a long day... I was tired and vulnerable. When I went to Eric and LeeElla's house after work, I had a hard time even looking them in the eyes when I was talking to them because I just knew that I let the enemy in. I was ashamed and feel bad that I brought that feeling into their house. I'm comforted, though, by knowing that everyone has their weak moments. I'm only human. But He understands... I know He does.