He Caught Me

Speaking with Deborah last night, I came to a very profound and shocking realization...

At about this time last year, my heart was in a very dark place. I made a vow to just plain stop caring about life and what I did. I turned into a very cynical and detached person. I didn't even think there was a God. I had absolutely no faith.

I went camping with my family and one night I was walking to my tent and noticed how beautiful the night sky was. The stars were shining so prominent and I was captivated by the beauty. As it happened a few times a year, I felt inspired to pray I guess. I laid down in my tent and talked to the God that I didn't think was there, just in case He was.

God, I don't even know if you're there, but in case you are, I just want you to know that I'm ready for someone to love. I've been alone for three years now, and I have so much love and caring in my heart to give that I feel like I'm going to explode if I don't have a place for this love to go.

Seriously, not even a month later, I was dating Jesse. I was so incredibly in love with him and the fact that somebody came along for me to love was enough to give me faith that there really was a God up there and that He did listen to me.

Now that Jesse and I are not together anymore, I wondered what God's intention was in bringing us together, if not to be together. I know we're meant to be in each others' lives, but not as a couple at this point. It turns out that Jesse was just the bait.

I thought the whole time that when I prayed for someone to love, God gave me Jesse. But, in reality, God gave me himself.