I am becoming well aware of the enemy's incessant attempts to take me back. He really wants me. He knows exactly when my guard starts going down and that's when he decides to invade. Although it's extremely disappointing to see the enemy's affects on me--especially at places like Women of Faith and even Jacob's Well--I know that I will learn to better overcome those moments. You know what they say, "They didn't rebuild Rome overnight." It's a little hard right now to be on top of my game 24/7, and I don't doubt that's probably the case for everybody. We're all human--of course I'm going to have some weak moments. It's just too bad that those moments have to be in front of everyone.
I think back to last night at Jacob's Well and how silly I must have looked. I was feeling sorry for myself because nobody invited me to be a part of their projects. Why should that have even bothered me? The only explanation I have is that maybe I don't feel as "in" yet. I'm still so new and everybody has all of their memories and good times and bonding moments. I don't have that to share with anybody, and that makes me feel like the outsider a little, at least among the women. Of course the enemy had to see that weakness and practically ruin my night. He told me I wasn't making any difference in the cleaning and that I wasn't appreciated. And I believed him. That makes me so sad, but I have so much faith in God and I know He will help me get rid of those moments, or at least the frequency of them. It was embarrassing to not be able to get the look of self pity off of my face last night. I don't want the enemy to ruin all of my good nights. I won't let him... I just won't. It just takes faith and prayer every day, not just when I get around to it. It's an everyday struggle. But I know who will prevail...
Wednesday, May 03, 2006
Everyday Struggle
Subscribe to:
Post Comments (Atom)
2 comments:
This is from Lisa:
I completely understand what you are saying and the current struggles you are dealing with. I've been a Christian my whole life and still deal with these mind battles. Your confidence in Christ's abilities is refreshing. People nowadays give up too easy. Your efforts on Tuesday were not overlooked. Just you being there, struggles and all, was a testiment of your committment and desire to be involved, people see and appreciate that. But more importantly, God sees and appreciates that. Relationships weren't built quickly or even easily for some. It will take time to have the closeness you are desiring, but it will happen if you're there. Be consistent and ENJOY (or try to) this time of newness and the building of foundations (relationally and Jacob's Well), it'll pay off richly :) Lisa
This is from me:
One of the most important steps we take as Christians is to realize that we're in the middle of a battle, and that we have an enemy. You have realized and believed that foundational truth. Praise God! There are so many Christians out there who refuse to believe it, or have never been told it, and the enemy's attacks are increasingly effective in their lives. Keep on keeping on! You're heading down the right path. Keep filling your mind with truth and your time with fellowship with other believers. You're an awesome woman of God, and as time goes on, you and others will see the manifestation of His presence in your life more and more fully.
Post a Comment