Moving

I'm moving again... well, houses too, but also blogs. I just wanted a clean slate to work on, so here's my new address

http://www.opendiary.com/entrylist.asp?authorcode=D752772

I'm trying hard this time to keep updating. I need the outlet!

It's Like This

I want to blog. I really do. I think about blogging a lot. In fact, a lot of the dialogue I have with myself in my head is in blog fashion. I'm really just holding out on rest of the world I guess. It's not like my blog was actually read by anybody, only checked when I was in one of my leaves of absence. Maybe I'm back, maybe it's just a fluke that I found myself in front of the computer with the blog switch turned on in my brain. The die hard bloggers make it part of their routine, just like exercise. I am still working on making exercise a part of my routine, so maybe that means blogging is next on the list. I spend enough of my life typing, what's a few more hours a week? But, if I wrote regularly, would anyone even notice? Even if someone says they blog online for themselves, I think they secretly want people to read anyway...

A wierd observatoin

Sitting here, watching commercials. They play that Cialis commercial (y'know, the medication for erectile disfunction, that commercial suitble for family TV...NOT REALLY), and I noticed something that was kind of nice to see. They seemed to put a lot of emphasis on the fact that the couples kanoodling in various places were wearing wedding rings. With almost all of the scenarios the commercial played, there was a close up shot of either one of the person's left hands or both of their hands with wedding bands. Thank you Cialis for implying that couples having problems having sex should be MARRIED couples. Thank you very much!

School update

I could seriously go to bed right now. I guess that's what a busy life feels like. It's bittersweet.

I'm in my 2nd week of school now. I think it's going pretty well. I've gotten A's on both of my first week tests, but I was still not that pleased with the results. I could've done better, considering the tests were both open-book with an hour to take them, so this week I'm focusing on taking better notes. I'm realizing that I am not going to be successful in my life if I just half-ass everything. I can get away with it without anyone knowing, but I'm not happy inside with that. So, I'm going to apply myself because I know that's the right thing to do. Maybe that's why I'm so sleepy right now!

The good thing about these classes I'm taking is that they are going to be very good for me, especially the stress management class. I am going to benefit from learning to relax and control stress that has always had a hold on me.

Gramatical goofball

I just think it's funny how my Philosophy professor was very, very adamant about us having correct spelling and grammar in our papers ("college-level English skills"), however, in almost every bulletin he has written, he's made some sort of spelling error.

Duh.

That's all.

It seems logical...

I'm searching for the deeper meaning behind my struggle with weight. For as long as I could remember, I have been overweight. I think I'm closer to normal than obese, but the world tells us that thin is the way to be, so why wouldn't I want to strive for that as well? When I got out of high school I really started obsessing more over my weight and thought I should lose weight. I didn't lose any significant amount of weight until I joined Weight Watchers. Other than that, my life was the same cycle of events. I would work out regularly, eat "okay" for a few days, then just thwart my efforts and eat bad and be lazy. I may be pretty good at maintaining my weight, but I told myself that wasn't good enough for me. I can't ever be happy. When I ate healthy, I felt deprived and unsatisfied. When I splurged, I felt guilty. Along with both feelings, I have felt puzzled as to why I associate feelings with food and how I came to do that. Actually, what puzzles me more is how to correct this behavior. It seems perfectly logical to me that feelings should not be associated with food. In addition, the formula to weight loss is burning more calories than consumed in a day. Doesn't that just mean eat fewer calories and burn more daily? Why can't it just be that simple? I absolutely don't understand why food has this chokehold over me. What makes it even more ridiculous it the fact that my eating habits have a direct effect on my health. I don't just mean my future well-being, I mean my present well-being. I have IBS, and the poor foods I eat make this condition much more to handle. If eating healthier foods cause me to lose weight and feel better, doesn't it seem logical that I would eat healthy foods? It's incredibly frustrating. I feel like once I can understand my emotional attachment to food, I can reverse the behavior and begin to control food for the first time in my life instead of it controlling me. At this point, it's not even my body that bothers me the most. I am not totally thrilled with how I look, but I could be worse off and I know that once I figure out the deeper explanation to this issue, I can make the changes necessary to work for a healthy life.

One Step Forward

Well, I'm going to school this fall. There are no ifs, ands, or buts about it. I've decided to work for a bachelors degree in business, starting with SCC and then transfering to a university. To the best of my knowledge, I have figured out how my WSU credits go towards my Associates degree, and have also to the best of my knowledge, figured out which classes I have to take before I can transfer to a university. Now, I need to take these findings and go to SCC's counseling office and find out for sure that I've picked the right classes to start with. I am going to start with two classes offered online. They seem pretty easy, I think I'll do just fine! But of course, I need to get this stuff settled quickly since the quarter starts in about two weeks. The more I look into school, the more excited I am getting. It's about time I got off my butt and made some changes in my life. This is the first step forward.