It seems logical...

I'm searching for the deeper meaning behind my struggle with weight. For as long as I could remember, I have been overweight. I think I'm closer to normal than obese, but the world tells us that thin is the way to be, so why wouldn't I want to strive for that as well? When I got out of high school I really started obsessing more over my weight and thought I should lose weight. I didn't lose any significant amount of weight until I joined Weight Watchers. Other than that, my life was the same cycle of events. I would work out regularly, eat "okay" for a few days, then just thwart my efforts and eat bad and be lazy. I may be pretty good at maintaining my weight, but I told myself that wasn't good enough for me. I can't ever be happy. When I ate healthy, I felt deprived and unsatisfied. When I splurged, I felt guilty. Along with both feelings, I have felt puzzled as to why I associate feelings with food and how I came to do that. Actually, what puzzles me more is how to correct this behavior. It seems perfectly logical to me that feelings should not be associated with food. In addition, the formula to weight loss is burning more calories than consumed in a day. Doesn't that just mean eat fewer calories and burn more daily? Why can't it just be that simple? I absolutely don't understand why food has this chokehold over me. What makes it even more ridiculous it the fact that my eating habits have a direct effect on my health. I don't just mean my future well-being, I mean my present well-being. I have IBS, and the poor foods I eat make this condition much more to handle. If eating healthier foods cause me to lose weight and feel better, doesn't it seem logical that I would eat healthy foods? It's incredibly frustrating. I feel like once I can understand my emotional attachment to food, I can reverse the behavior and begin to control food for the first time in my life instead of it controlling me. At this point, it's not even my body that bothers me the most. I am not totally thrilled with how I look, but I could be worse off and I know that once I figure out the deeper explanation to this issue, I can make the changes necessary to work for a healthy life.