How?

I've spent an excessive amount of time thinking about things this week. That, along with working hard overtime, has made for quite the exhausting week if you ask me! But, I've come to the conclusion that God has definitely given me quite the test to take. I knew it would be difficult to get through this chapter, but I didn't even think about how much personal growth I would be facing. My patience has never been tested like this. I've never really had to wait for something like I'm having to wait right now. Every day is waiting, every day is being patient, every day is living in anticipation, and every day is living trusting. I think that last part is the one I've had the most trouble with. I know what I want the outcome of this story to be, and as each day goes by, I feel more confident of what the outcome will be, but ultimately I don't know what the outcome will be and I don't know what God wants the outcome to be, so it's easy to be scared. The only thing I know is that God wants the best for me and the best for Jacob. It's so hard to be okay with the circumstances no matter what they may be. It's hard to understand that God has the best interest in mind, even when something hurts so bad. That's where most of my anxiety is. What if it isn't God's will for Jacob and I to be together? How do I deal with that? It just feels so right...so right. And what scares me even more is the fact that He has not given me any sort of feeling that it's not right. How, oh how, do you just let go and let God take control? How do I look at the man of my dreams and say that I'd be okay if we weren't meant for each other? There's nothing in this world that leads me to believe anything other than we were made for each other. So, I wait, learn to be patient, support him through his endeavors, and hold my heart in my hands until I can give it back to him again. I believe it is meant to be, and feel no hesitation saying it.