Letting Go

God and I had a conversation the other day about my life. He told me that I don't need to be stressed out all the time. I don't have to try to control situations and circumstances. That is not my job. That is His job. I'm wasting too much time and energy trying to do God's job. He has a plan for me and my life and nothing I do is going to change that. So why waste all of that energy?

I'm putting my life in my hands and saying... God, here is my life, it is yours... just take it.

With this realization and decision, I feel so much sadness that I couldn't realize this sooner. Maybe my relationship with Jesse could've been spared. That was one of the biggest issues.

Of course, that is dwelling on the past and wasting time on being sad about things that have already happened. The Lord has chosen this path for my life, and I must make the best of it. I put all of my trust and faith in God and believe 100% that He will do what's best for me and He has somebody picked out for me with whom I'm to spend the rest of my life. I need to be patient and focus on me until that day comes, because when it comes, I'm no longer my individual person.

I'm only human, though. Of course I'm lonely. I really do miss him. That's just me being real.